I Love Alcohol as Much as You Love Your Gun: But I am Pro-Alcohol Regulation…Can You Say the Same?

As the conversation continues about what we can do to prevent another tragedy like what happened in Newtown from happening again, we appear to be drowning in quicksand over sticky topics that have no right or wrong answers. Gun owners do not want to talk about guns, video games enthusiasts do not want to talk about violent video games, and mental health advocates do not want all mentally ill patients to be seen as unstable mass murders (because they are not). So we push the blame around and around until the next time Lindsey Lohan is arrested or another Kardashian gets pregnant and we have something else to obsess over. Well I’m not playing the blame game. There are many issues we have to deal with if we are going to try and prevent another horrific tragedy like this one from occurring. Guns are only one piece of the equation. As I argue with pro-gun friends on Facebook, I notice something about their argument…they like guns. Some of them love guns. They have been around guns their whole life. They enjoy shooting and they do not want anything to stop them from engaging in their second amendment right. Well you know what I love as much as you love your gun…alcohol. I do love it…wine, beer, whiskey, champagne…I love it all. I have been drinking it since I was 16. What’s not to love? It makes me feel good, it can ease the stress of a long day, and it can bring out the flavor in a nice meal. And the 21st amendment ensured that I am guaranteed my right to legally enjoy alcohol. But as much as I love alcohol I do not have a problem with laws that regulate it. I will never accept a complete ban on alcohol…we tried that and it did not work. So now we regulate it. Do these regulations make it harder for me to enjoy alcohol? Yes they do. But they also try and keep us safe. Alcohol regulations against people who do not abuse alcohol, is the price we pay for being able to consume alcohol. I know that some people can abuse alcohol. They can become addicted. They can use alcohol as an excuse to hurt or rape someone. They can drive when they had too much to drink and hurt someone else. So knowing all of this, means we have to regulate alcohol. We have to try and prevent incidences of drunk driving, we have to try and keep alcohol out of the hands of kids, and we have to help those with alcohol addiction get treatment. And so we limit the sale of alcohol on certain days and times, we limit who can legally buy alcohol and we punish those who are caught driving their cars when they have had too much to drink. Have we put an end to drunk driving or alcohol poisoning? No we have not. People still drive drunk or drink until they make themselves sick. Does that mean we should stop trying? Should we let anyone who wants alcohol have it since we cannot stop people from abusing it? No it does not. The same way we cannot ban alcohol because some people will abuse it we also cannot do nothing because we cannot stop all of the abuse. So we do something. We do whatever we can to make sure people use alcohol responsibly. So why can’t we do that with your gun? Why can’t we stop people from buying a gun at a gun show without a background check? Why can’t we stop people from buying guns on the internet without a background check? Why can’t we limit who can have access to magazines that hold 30 or more rounds? Why can we not try? If you love your gun as much as I love alcohol why can’t you see that it needs to be regulated? I do not want to take your guns away like I do not want anyone to take away my booze, but I know that alcohol can be dangerous so I am thankful that we have regulations and limitations that try and keep us safe while also allowing us to enjoy an adult beverage. I wish more gun owners felt the same way.

I Can't Accept This.

I can’t accept this. I can’t accept that this is the world we live in. I know bad things happen. And good people die every day, and children are abused and treated poorly. I know these things. I know the world can be a very dangerous place. But I can’t accept that we now live in a world where we can’t protect 20 kindergarteners*…12 girls and 8 boys…from being murdered. I can’t accept that 4 teachers, a principal, and a school psychologist died protecting children from a gunman. I can’t accept that a mother was murdered and then her son went on a killing spree attacking children. I can’t accept this. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to normalize this. I don’t want to move on, forget, and wait until the next time. There can’t be a next time. My heart is forever broken. I was 22 years old when the Columbine school shooting happened. I was turning 24 years old in 3 days when 9/11 happened. I am 35 years old now, and I never thought I would live to experience the day when 20 children and 7 adults were gunned down…kindergarten children. I taught kindergarten. It was one of the most rewarding years of my life. It was challenging and some days I struggled but deep down I loved being a teacher. I always said kindergarten was a rough year. They were too big to be held like small babies but yet they had not matured enough to be first graders. They were so special, sweet and innocent, helpful and determined. Even the ones who gave me daily headaches could warm my heart with a smile. They were my babies and for that one year I was fortunate to be a part of their lives. Maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time dealing with this tragedy. The fact that the victims were kindergartners* hits too close to home. How do we accept this? How do we move on? Why would we want to? How does life go back to being normal when the lives of 20 families have been shattered? And what do we do to ensure that this never happens again? BECAUSE IT CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN! We can’t live in a world where this is the norm…where we lower the flags and go back to business as usual. Where we pay lip service to gun control and mental health support until the next tragedy occurs. We can’t let this happen again. I do not accept that this is the world we live in. I know we need to talk about gun control or what I prefer to call gun responsibility. Because it is about responsibility, not control. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to attack the NRA or demand that teachers go to school armed. I want to mourn for the victims and find a way to prevent this from ever happening again. Some say we can’t, that there is nothing we can do, but I can’t accept that. We can’t live in a world where kindergartners and their teachers are no longer safe. If we can put a man on the moon why can’t we protect our children? Don’t tell me we can’t do it. We can. We choose not to. And I can’t accept that any longer. It’s not easy talking about guns. Like abortion, it is an issue that divides us. Unlike abortion, it is not a private medical procedure that should be between a woman and her doctor. Guns affect all of us. We use guns to protect us and to harm others. And sometimes we are harmed and killed when people use guns against us. Our founding fathers wrote the right to bear arms as the second amendment to the Constitution. And although they could have never imagined what our world would be like now, they knew that fundamentally we have the right to protect ourselves from our government and fellow Americans who would want to harm us. But now things are different. And guns are big business. And it’s easier for some kids to get a gun than a job. And people who are mentally unstable can obtain guns quicker than they can receive treatment for their mental problems. And on Friday December 14, 2012, a gunman killed his mother, 20 kindergarten* children, four teachers, a principal, and a school psychologist. That is where we are today and something must be done. So if we are going to talk about guns I suggest we enforce two rules to frame the discussion: 1. We CANNOT ban all guns. 2. We HAVE TO do something to prevent this tragedy from ever happening again. I was once asked by a marine who was pro-gun if I would prefer a world where no one had guns or everyone had a gun and I of course said no one. In an ideal world we would not need guns and no one, not even police would have them. But I’m a realist and I know this is not a possibility. We can’t ban all guns, the same way we can’t deport 5 million undocumented workers. And when we try and have a meaningful conversation about gun responsibility we cannot begin with a fallacy. We cannot ever ban all guns. It is not possible. So if that is your only solution then you can’t join in this discussion. On the flip side, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. Anti-gun people might want to ban all guns, but pro-gun people want to do nothing. They don’t want to blame a gun for the deaths of those children and their teachers. They blame the shooter and we all should blame him. But he used a gun. He did not use a knife, like the guy in China, and none of his victims survived because he used a gun, not a knife. Guns kill people, when people use them to kill. They have no other purpose but to kill. It’s not OK to only blame the individual and ignore our culture that is obsessed with guns. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. If you think that now is not the time to do anything or that nothing can be cone then you can’t join in this discussion. These are my rules that should be implemented if we are going to have a meaningful conversation about guns. I hope we will have this discussion because now is the time. I hope we will listen to each other, and remember the victims from Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Columbine, and all the other victims of schools/mass shootings. We owe it to them to do something now. And in the end I pray that somehow things change. We find a way to love each other and protect our babies from all the evil in the world. We find a way to help each other and support each other when in need. I can’t take part in this meaningful conversation right now. My heart is broken and I am beyond wrecked with grief over this tragedy. All I can do is mourn and pray for God to comfort the families of the victims and to comfort all of us now as we grieve for those precious babies who were taken from us. But now is the time to talk and to do something. Because this can’t happen again...we can’t let it. Rest in Peace: Charlotte Bacon, 6 Daniel Barden, 7 Olivia Engel, 6 Josephine Gay, 7 Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6 Dylan Hockley, 6 Madeleine F. Hsu, 6 Catherine V. Hubbard, 6 Chase Kowalski, 7 Jesse Lewis, 6 James Mattioli, 6 Grace McDonnell, 7 Emilie Parker, 6 Jack Pinto, 6 Noah Pozner, 6 Caroline Previdi, 6 Jessica Rekos, 6 Aveille Richman, 6 Benjamin Wheeler, 6 Allison N Wyatt, 6 Rachel Davino, 29, Teacher Dawn Hochsprung, 47, School Principal Nancy Lanza, 52, Mother of gunman Anne Marie Murphy, 52, Teacher Lauren Rousseau, 30, Teacher Mary Sherlach, 56, School Psychologist Victoria Soto, 27, Teacher *Update: I have learned that all of the victims were first graders not kindergarten. It doesn't change anything. Any grade is to young, even high school.

My Response to the SOTU

I started writing a response to a Facebook post and then realized I had more to say. So here is my response to President Obama's State of the Union speech, especially what he had to say about education.

I'm glad he mentioned teaching to the test but the President's education plan is deeply flawed. He said we needed more competition in education and this is a huge fallacy.

Education is NOT a business.

Educating children to be competent for the future cannot be reduced to a test score. The testing industry is strangling the American public education system to death. Cash strapped schools spend precious resources on testing materials while children get less art, less music, and less physical education and recess.

I support our President. I believe he is the right man for the job. But I think he's been misled by corporate reformers who control our educational system.

I ask President Obama to think about the school his two beautiful daughters attend. I believe the school is called Sidwell Friends. If you think that school is good enough for your children then it should be good enough for all our children. Start from there. Demand that all children have access to high quality schools that you would want for your own children. Schools that do not drill and kill our children with high stakes testing and a suffocating curriculum. Want the best schools for all of America's children and then set out to make that a reality.

Listen to those who work closest with America’s children: our teachers. They are trained in education unlike you and the corporate reformers. They are invested in making public schools work. But they are kept away from a seat at the table where educational policies are put into play that has real consequences for real children. You must value the voices of the teachers and parents over the desires of corporate philanthropists, CEO’s, and hedge fund managers who seek to turn education into a commodity.

I know they talk a good game about accountability, school choice, and helping all children, but I beg of you to make sure you are hearing both sides of the education debate. There are ways to increase academic achievement and improve public schools but you will not find them on a standardized test. So why not start by asking a teacher?

Save Our Schools (SOS) Day 2

Before I can talk about Day 2 at the SOS Conference I must first give an update about Day 1. Conferences are always exciting because you are surrounded by like minded folks who share your passion and have resources to share. But at the end you're usually left feeling confused about the next step or overwhelmed with all the work that needs to be done. At the end of yesterday's conference I felt inspired. Each workshop included time to discuss what comes next. How do we keep the movement going was a constant focus of all the discussions. This focus on keeping the fight going is not only inspiring but necessary when working with educators who are often isolated and burnt out. Listening to Jonathan Kozol is great but if we are going to enact real change we must spend time mapping out what comes next. Not only do we take the critical time to plan for the future at the workshops, but the organizers of the conference have planned a Congress meeting on Sunday to give participants an opportunity to plan for what comes next. This commitment to change is what makes the SOS a great event.

Day 2 continues to be rewarding and full of exciting workshops and panel discussions. I'm looking forward to screening tonight's film: The Inconvenient Truth Behind Waiting For Superman. I finally gave in and watched Waiting For Superman last night. Although I knew that the movie was a ploy to attack public schools and teacher unions, I felt compelled to actually watch it so I could fairly critique it. Needless to say I saw no value in a movie about education that only included the voice of 1 teacher! Tonight's rebuttal film will hopefully point out the inaccuracies in the original film and remind participants why we must fight to save our schools.

Day 3 will be our rally and march to the White House to issue our demands. I'll be posting tons of pictures from the rally and trying not to get arrested for any acts of civil disobedience!

Save Our Schools (SOS) Day 1

This weekend defenders of public schools are making their voices heard as they fight to Save Our Schools. Public schools and public education are in danger of being dismantled. Teachers and their unions are under attack, budgets are being slashed, and our students are being left behind. The reasons behind the attack vary from genuine, although misguided, concerns about low test scores and low standards to a belief that public schools are dangerous and must be decimated. Regardless of the reason public schools are under assault and this weekend fed up educators, parents, and students are fighting back.

The event begins with a 2 day conference at American University where renowned educators, teachers, and activists will offer a variety of workshops, panel discussions, and films to participants from around the country. On Saturday 10,000 participants are expected to march from the Ellipse to the White House to issue demands that public schools be saved with equitable funding and an end to high-stakes testing.

I'll be blogging the event all weekend to document the efforts of those who are determined to save our schools! The time has come to fight back against the destruction of public education. Our children deserve a public education that promotes learning over testing and teaching over legislating. Education is not a business and it's time we remove the corporatists from the table and replace them with educators, parents, activists, and students. The time to Save Our Schools is now!

This blog will be published in emPower Magazine.

A Time To Celebrate

As the country learned of the death of Osama Bin Laden late last night, a furry of emotions was likely felt by many. Happiness, fear, relief, shock, sadness, anger... those are just a few of the emotions that many of us experienced when we heard the news. I expected that there would be those who would use this victory to discredit President Obama because for some there is nothing that man can do to be worthy of praise and respect. I enjoyed the jokes about verifying Bin Laden's "long form" death certificate at the request of Donald Trump, I even wrote a few myself. What I didn't expect, and what ultimately led me to write this blog, was the criticism of those who took to the streets in New York and DC to celebrate the death of Bin Laden.

I actually wished I was back home in DC last night to celebrate the news. You see I was in DC on 9/11. I remember being on the streets near the Capitol when it was being evacuated with all the other staffers not quite sure what was happening as we all ducked when a plane flew above us. I remember two hours later how eerily silent the city seemed to be as people went home to watch the news reports and mourn such a tragedy. I remember the nervous chatter surrounding us on the patio as we drank beers to deal with the shock of what happened. So, you see, if I was in DC last night I too would have taken to the streets.

But last night before I went to bed and again this morning, I read countless posts on FB, criticizing and mocking those people who took to the streets to celebrate the death of Bin Laden. I can understand if you personally wouldn't want to celebrate the death of anyone, but when did it become OK to tell others how to feel?

In this country we like to tell people what to do. We tell people how they should live, who they should marry, and when they should have a child. But when did we decide that it was OK to tell people how to feel?

And it's not just the death of Bin Laden and the subsequent celebrations that has led me to feel as though my rights to my feelings are being invaded. I know friends who post on FB about racism and oppression and they often get accused of being angry! When a white privileged spoiled brat from UCLA made a YouTube video insulting Asian Americans I was told by a few people that we should not be angry with her! Why don't I have the right to be angry at an adult who made insulting public statements for the world to see? Why don't people who engage in the struggle against racism and oppression have the right to be angry about what they see happening in the world?

I understand that feelings can lead to a response, a response that could be positive or negative. People were angry after the verdict in the Rodney King trial and their response was destruction and looting. That is not a good response for dealing with anger. Many teens who struggle with their sexual identity feel sad and depressed from being tormented by their peers and sometimes they respond by committing suicide. That is not a good response for dealing with sadness and depression. But don't people have a right to be angry? A right to be sad? A right to be depressed?

Emotional regulation begins with recognizing your emotion and choosing a proper response for dealing with the emotion. So you can feel anger and then decide to respond by writing a blog, or bitching to a friend, or you can take to the streets and engage in a civil peaceful demonstration, or you can destroy property and even hurt someone. But you have to first acknowledge that you are angry before you can choose a response.

So last night people felt a wave of emotions and their response was to join others in the streets who were also feeling a wave of emotions. Did they riot and loot? I don't think so. Did they hurt or kill anybody? Not that I heard. But yet they are being mocked, made fun, and blamed for their choice to express their emotions.

Those who have criticized and mocked and made fun of the celebrations, argue that public celebration can lead to retaliation. Do you think terrorists need a reason to retaliate? We killed their leader... I'm sure that's reason enough, besides the fact they hate America. I've heard arguments that question why we should celebrate death. Call me crazy but the man who masterminded the death of 3,000 Americans and probably would have continued killing people all over the world, deserved to die. So what's wrong with celebrating his death? I've also heard the argument that Bin Laden was trained in the US and those who celebrate his death are ignorant about history. Most people are ignorant about history, but I don't care if Bin Laden got his PhD in How to be a Terrorist from Harvard, that doesn't change what he did. Is the US responsible for him and other terrorist who were trained on US soil, probably but that's not what this is about. Almost 10 years ago one man masterminded the worse terrorist attack this country has ever seen and he is now dead.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't believe in war. I did not then, and I do not now, feel as though the US was justified in invading Iraq and Afghanistan after 9/11. I think the proper response to 9/11 would have been to go after Al Q'ueda. Can this be done without declaring war on entire country... well it must be possible since we killed Bin Laden in Pakistan! In my opinion the wars were unjustified and probably did more to instill even more hatred of America and produce even more future terrorists.

But last night wasn't about the wars. President Obama didn't send us into war. He worked with our military to engage in a mission that ultimately killed Bin Laden. And after hearing the news people felt a plethora of emotions and some took to the street to celebrate. I will not dare tell any of these people how they should feel. Their response was not violent and did not physically hurt anyone. I will not make fun of them or criticize them for their decision to celebrate the death of a monster.

Osama Bin Laden will NEVER cause the death of another human being. People might retaliate in his name but, he, himself will NEVER hurt or kill anybody ever again. Because he's dead. And I think that's a reason to celebrate.

Discovering the Great Teacher Within

I've always believed that regret was a useless emotion. Not the type of regret that comes from remorse for doing something wrong, but the type of regret that people feel as they get older and look back on their life and wonder if they made the right decision. In my opinion, the best way to live life is to be confident that the choices you made were the right ones at the time and to dwell in the realm of what might of been is not only foolish but dangerous. Although I tried to live my life by this creed, there was always one area where I did wonder if my life would be better had I made different choices.

When I was a senior in high school I was accepted to Trenton State College (which is now the The College of New Jersey) to purse an undergraduate degree in education. Trenton State was a good school and I was excited to get accepted. My acceptance did come with some conditions. I was admitted in to an Equal Opportunity program for first generation minority college students. In addition to tuition assistance I was required to attend an 8 week summer program prior to the start of my freshmen year. At the last minute I decided that I would rather hang out with my friends then go to the summer program so I turned down my full ride to Trenton State. As a result of this decision I ended up taking 7 years to get my undergraduate degree. I spent time at two community colleges and worked in numerous restaurants before finally getting my BS in early childhood education. I was 25 by the time I graduated and started my first year of teaching.

One year later I was in graduate school full time. I applied during my senior year of undergrad and deferred for one year so I could get some teaching experience. Turns out I didn't like teaching kindergarten as much as I thought I would so going to graduate school was a relief. As I spent time in graduate school I began to worry that my lack of teaching experience wasn't a good thing for someone in the field of education. Especially when most people in the field quantify their experience by stating proudly how many years they have been or were a teacher. I did my best to not let it bother me because there was no point in regretting my decisions but as I get older it has become more and more difficult.

Recently I connected with some high school friends and when discussing what they've been up to, one was quick to point out how many years he worked as a public school teacher. This time I couldn't shake the feeling of regret lingering in me. I began to doubt all that I've accomplished in my life. I haven't finished my dissertation so I'm still technically in graduate school and after getting my undergraduate degree I only have one year of teaching experience... what's there to be proud of? I knew why I did not have years of teaching experience to brag about to old friends. My decision to blow off Trenton State resulted in me taking 7 years to get my undergraduate degree instead of 4. Had I went to Trenton State and done well, I would have graduated in 1999 and would have likely taught in a public school for 4 years before going to graduate school (assuming that I would have still went in 2004). But I didn't. And during those 7 years of working and going to school off and on I gained life experience but not career experience (except for waitressing).

The more I thought about it the more I realized the reason I don't have more then one year of public school teaching experience is because I didn't like being a public school teacher. Had I loved my job I would of looked for a teaching job in Indiana and went to graduate school part-time. But I made the choice to go full time because it only took one year for me to realize that teaching in pubic school was not for me. I used to tell people that the loneliness of being a teacher is what killed the dream for me but now I realize it was more then just feeling like no one understood what I did every day. What I hated about being a teacher was the expectations of what a teacher was supposed to do. As a teacher I was expected to control the behavior of 23, 5-6 years old all day long. They needed to be quiet in the hallway, calm in the lunch room, and attentive in the classroom. This is what I was evaluated on and needless to say I failed miserably. My kids were the loudest in the hallway and exploded in the lunch room (after drinking all that sugar and eating all that processed food). In the classroom I did a little better but not much. They could be attentive at times but usually they got so excited they couldn't sit still or wait for me to call on them or keep their hands to themselves. I did my best to keep them engaged but I was not good at controlling their behavior or getting them to behave the way everyone else expected. I tried implementing reward systems (which I didn't believe in), I tried yelling, I tired begging, I tried everything but nothing worked. By the end of the year I was fed up and thrilled to be returning to college and escaping the world of behavior management. So I decided to pursue graduate school full time and focus on the things I did liked about education like research and advocacy.

And then I discovered that I am a good teacher. I am a great teacher when my students are older and know how to manage their own behavior. You see in the college classroom I only had to control my students behaviors for 3 hours a week instead of 7 hours a day. With college students I was free to teach and not worry about their noise level in the hallway or their behavior in the lunch room. And when I was free to teach, I did it well. I know this because my students tell me all the time. Not just the ones who like to suck up to their teacher but all types of students. Those who struggle, those who excel, and those in between. I have a gift and a passion for teaching that comes through when I am expected to teach.

So do I regret my decision to blow off Trenton State for UDC...no I don't. I made the right decision for me at the time. Do I regret my decision to not continue teaching full time while I was in graduate school...no I don't. I don't know what would of happened if I continued teaching in public schools, but I do know that my passion for teaching comes from discovering that I was good at it, and that didn't happen in the public school.

So the next time someone tells me that they've been a teacher for X number of years, I won't feel any regret. I taught kindergarten for one year but I've been a successful college teacher for the past 6 and that's something to be proud of.